The are bad movies, there are really bad movies, and then, in a category not entirely by itself but rare and with strict entrance requirements, there are movies like Left Behind II: Tribulation Force.
First, a confession: I am not part of the target audience for the movie. The target audience, I believe, would be Christian Fundamentalists or mental deficients. I am not in the first of those categories; the second is a matter of opinion. However, please know I mean no disrespect in the following discussion. I am reviewing a movie, not a religion.
Quick Background: Starting in 1998, Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins, began what would end up as a series of sixteen best-selling novels dealing with a Christian interpretation of the End Of Days. Or at least, their interpretation. I'm sure it's a matter of spirited debate among people of faith.
For several reasons, I read the first book years ago. I'm a fan of dystopian science fiction, so even if I didn't follow the religious dogma, I figured I might enjoy the intriguing premise. Also, I like to learn about different ideologies. I was interested in finding out what Christian fundamentalists thought the Bible forecast about the end of the world. Always better to be prepared, no? Lastly, the book was a phenomenal best-seller, In the least, I expected a good read.
I bet you won't be surprised when I say the book failed to meet every one of my expectations. When a book on its first page describes a woman as "attractive and vivacious enough, even at forty," (emphasis added) you know you're in rough waters. Misogyny is never attractive, not, one would think, is it an example of Christian kindness. A few pages later, we learn of a recent invention that "changed the course of history." Since nothing short of time machine could do that, which this invention, sadly, wasn't, you also understand this isn't a book that will labor to make sense. As the story it is about to tell is, literally, incredible, it would be helpful to get the easy parts right. Two paragraphs later, the authors (yes, it took two to write this masterpiece) explain that, because of the signifigance of this invention, "the walled city of Jerusalem was only a symbol now, welcoming everyone who embraced peace." I'm pretty sure they meant the wall was a symbol, not the city. I wonder who edited this.
I'll stop the book report there. I could go on, cuz, really, who cares? According to its Wikipedia entry, the book was decried as "an attack on Judaism and liberal secularism." Some Christian's disagreed with the book's Biblical interpretations. Interestingly, the book was even accused of plagiarism, with it's events strongly following those of the previously published 666. I can't speak to that, but I can attest to my realization that the movie Left Behind II struck me as an scene-by-scene recreation of the original V television mini-series, right down to the plucky journalist hero and the rag-tag group who band together against the oppressors.
And, boy, do they band together. At one of the movie's high points, a character solemnly declares "We must work together to form a…Tribulation Force!" I'm paraphrasing here, but that was the general idea, and it definitely ended with the vow to form the titular Tribulation Force. I love when a movie references itself like that, as it takes you out of the film entirely and reminds you of the generally more enjoyable marketing campaign. Plus, it echoes countless comic books from the fifties, when characters, without irony, could declare "We will be a true Justice League!" or "We shall call ourselves the Avengers!"
With some sorrow, I must admit I never had the opportunity to enjoy the first cinematic entry in the Left Behind series. Thus, it was helpful that the film began with an earnest and seemingly tranquilized Kirk Cameron, in his role as the anchorperson of GNN (clever!), explaining, in a mystifying monotone, that only a week ago "hundreds of millions" of people, including every child on Earth disappeared without a trace.
You'd think this would event would cause some disruption, or perhaps emotion, in the lives of the remaining survivors. Fortunately, it would appear that this significant subtraction of human life interrupts nothing. Electricity still runs, television stations broadcast, planes fly on schedule and cellular and land lines function perfectly. While I know the plot tells us that people disappeared into heaven because they had accepted Jesus into their lives, at times I wondered if it was their lack of meaningful employment that doomed them. If I miss a day of work, the whole office suffers. The absence of these "hundreds of millions" doesn't even shut down a restaurant.
Think about what an interesting movie you could make about such an cataclysmic event! This is not that movie.
I won't belabor the plot. Not a lot happens. There are some special effects, but a lot fewer than you'd expect in a movie depicting such remarkable developments. The theology is confusing, to say the least. After establishing that one of the reasons most people were "left behind" was a failure to adhere to the Ten Commandments, with lying given as an example, the "heroes" of the movie lie throughout. (Meanwhile, is a prohibition against lying even in the Ten Commandments?)
Some of these deceptions are employed to get close to the villain of the film, the presumed Anti-Christ who is played with the kind of exaggeratedly "evil" accent that even Bela Lugosi would have laughed at. I don't know if it's Biblically acceptable to lie for a good cause, so I'll give them a pass on that (although, on several occasions, truthful if evasive answers would have worked just as well). However, other lies are told to advance the plot, most notably the chaste and unconvincing romance between Kirk Cameron and a young woman who gives one of the few performances in the film that has at least a spark of energy to it. Why would those lies be OK? It was clear we were supposed to find these machinations charming, but I was perplexed.
Ah, Kirk Cameron. What happened to him? I know he became very devout, and recently made anti-gay comments that put him back in the spotlight. Still, he remains a very pretty young man and at one time was an entertaining performer on a situation comedy. In Tribulation Force, he appears determined not to put the slightest effort into his performance. To say he recites his lines stiffly would be an insult to erections.
From what little I know of his personal beliefs, I'd assume he is emotionally and theologically invested in this story. Why, then, this lifeless performance in which he talks about the deaths of millions with all the emotion of a man reading the ingredients of a can of soup? On one or two occasions, his character is called upon to be silly and fun, and at those moments he comes alive. His adorable smile was an oasis in this grim and ugly movie. That these moments made no sense, and were incomprehensible in light of the enormity of human pain and suffering going on, not to mention his own dedication to the Tribulation Force, is supposed to escape our notice.
Have you figured out yet that I greatly enjoyed this film? As a comedy, it succeeds splendidly. I read somewhere that the film's budget was several million dollars. I can assure you not a dollar of it is visible on screen. Every set looks cheaper than the last, and the only significant special effect, in which two rabbis (I think) open wide their jaws and emit dragon-like flames, was hilarious. The across-the-board bad acting, mostly delivered in a stupefying monotone, so sharply contrasted with the film's events that you have to think the actors were reading off of cue-cards. Far away ones, at that.
There are classically bad scenes, like one in which a character tells another to "come in," several seconds after she's already entered the room. No attention is paid to believability. While we are instructed that Kirk Cameron's character is the most trusted newscaster in history (sorry, Mr. Cronkite) there are scenes where he works solely as a cameraman. Either the budget at GNN is severely limited or the film's producers didn't want to waste money on another extra.
The main action of the film is incomprehensible. It appears to revolve around the efforts of the Tribulation Force to stop the world's most respected religious leader from delivering a speech that is billed as "the most momentous occasion in human history!" Considering that hundreds of millions of those humans disappeared not a week earlier, that must be some speech.
One of the members of the Tribulation Force is a pilot. He lies his way into a job as the captain of the bad guy's plane. This, despite the sensible suggestion of his daughter that "I think you're a really great guy, but I'm having a really hard time with this whole "hanging-out-with-the-devil" thing." Or maybe that's what she said to another member of the Tribulation Force. I forget, but it was funny at the time.
Annnnyway, while flying the villain around, the lying pilot sneaks around and overhears the Anti-Christ say that someone "really likes" the changes made to "the speech." He then further investigates, and finds a conveniently unprotected laptop with a file titled "Ben Judah Speech - Revised." Luckily, if not through divine intervention, there's a stack of blank recordable CD Roms next to the laptop, to which he copies the ominous file, the whole time doing that movie thing of watching the progress bar and urging "hurry up, hurry up!" Because, as everyone knows, that makes computers work faster.
He escapes with the disc in the nick of time, in a scene of such stunning suspense that I fought to stay awake. He takes the file to Kirk Cameron. He and Kirk discuss what transpired with great seriousness. I believe they open the speech and read it. I confess my mind at times wandered to more entertaining thoughts, like what did I want for lunch? However, I was brought back to attention when Kirk Cameron, in a raised voice (an exciting departure from his usual stupefying drone) exclaims - "That's it - they changed the speech!" His co-conspirator is awed by Kirk's brilliance in cracking this perplexing mystery. Why, this may change everything!
Now, dear reader, it was at this point that I hit "rewind" to make sure I hadn't lost my mind. No, there it was, the overheard scene in which the villain refers to the "changed speech." And yes, sure enough, the file was labeled "revised." That it was several hours later and after an intense discussion that the hero realized THE SPEECH HAD BEEN CHANGED made it clear to me I was watching a farce along the lines of a Pink Panther production.
The only parts I didn't find funny were the parts I didn't understand. For a movie about theology, I wondered why the theology made no sense. For example, for reasons too tedious to detail, Kirk's journey requires him to interview the two fire-breathing rabbis who are capable of revealing the villain as a false messiah. The rabbis are standing by the Wailing Wall, which measures 1,600 feet across. The villain, in an attempt to prevent anyone from hearing the rabbi's devastating message, forbids entry to the wall. Anyone trying to reach it will be shot to death, no questions asked.
Still with me? OK. To enforce this death-threat the villain dispatches armed guards to block entry. Three. Maybe four. The scene was poorly shot, so I wasn't sure. This set in particular resembled an LA backyard.
Kirk Cameron, his pilot friend, and Ben Judah, the world's foremost religious leader, whom they've convinced to come along for the ride, approach the wall. "No way," say the guards, pointing their guns. I was reminded of the scene in Blazing Saddles, where the bad guys wait on a mile-long line to pass through a toll-booth in the middle of nowhere, rather than simply ride around it. That scene was intended to be funny, though.
Back to Tribulation Force - What now?! Our heroes MUST reach the fire-breathing rabbis, but how can they possibly get past these three, possibly four, guards? Luckily, as this is a Biblical tale, the authors aren't forced to devise an ingenious solution. A mysterious woman in white appears out of nowhere and sings "Amazing Grace." This has the effect of (temporarily) paralyzing the guards. Whew! The most trusted newsman in the world and the most trusted religious leader in the world are able to reach the fire-breathing rabbis to hear their world-changing revelations at to the identify of the True Messiah. I won't spoil it by revealing who it is, other than to say if you guess his initials are J.C., you are not wrong.
Kirk has a magical video camera. It will allow him to broadcast the fire-breathing rabbi's vital message LIVE on GNN! In your face, Anti-Christ!
Unfortunately for all involved, not least of whom are the suddenly un-paralyzed guards who rush to Kirk's side, only to be burned to death by the rabbis for the devout audience's entertainment, the villain just happens to be watching GNN at the time. He screams for his people to "stop the presses" so to speak, and thus prevents the truth from being heard on what is apparently not just the nation's, but the world's most trusted news source. This, by the way, is not the first time the network goes blank and announces "technical difficulties" whenever someone is about to disparage the Anti-Chirst. The GNN audience must be very stupid not to notice these coincidences.
This is where I get mixed up. The movie asks us to accept a God who can make hundreds of millions disappear in a heartbeat. Check. The same God sends an angelic woman to immobilize the guards with her hypnotic song. Got it. So, why can't he arrange for the villain to be watching reruns of Bewitched rather than GNN in time to stop the broadcast?
For that matter, the entire story depends on the belief that these events are foretold in the Bible and are occurring as ordained. So, why is the Tribulation Force standing in the way of God's will? There MUST be an Anti-Christ and there WILL be an Anti-Christ, so why are these bozos getting in his way? Are they hoping for a BETTER Anti-Christ? I goes the only reason is because a movie about people doing nothing while waiting for the unavoidable end of the world would be even more boring than this one. Not to mention it would negate the need for those sixteen bestselling novels.
It's hard to construct a suspenseful plot when there is no self-determination. That the character's actions are not only pointless but, maybe, against God's will, is beside the point. I just wish I knew what the point was. I suppose it may be to make money. TB looks like it cost $200 to film and, according to IMDB, it made almost $4M. There is also a rumor that the whole series is going to be remade, with, I assume, better production values. Worse ones would be hard to obtain in these times when you phone shoots better video.
From an evangelical point of view, maybe the point is to spread the word, but what word? That we're supposed to subvert God's will? That it's OK to lie and kill if you're doing it for good intentions and/or to get Kirk Cameron laid (after a church wedding, I'd assume)?
Oh, I forgot to mention this. At some point, a member of the Tribulation Force bemoans that most people accept the villain's explanation that the disappearance of hundreds of millions of people, including every child in the world was the result of a radiation leak. I laughed out loud. I really don't think the writer's put much effort into this.
I watched Tribulation Force on Netflix while on the treadmill. If you have the opportunity to see it while simultaneously doing something productive, or, perhaps, in the company of friends and with appropriate libations, you might enjoy it. Certainly, the discussion afterwards will be fun.
BTW: There is a fascinating, brilliant and thought-provoking movie called The Rapture that looks at these same events. Try and find it. There's also IS a movie about the end of the world in which the characters do nothing. Well, nothing extraordinary. (It's not Melancholia; I haven't seen that.) I can't remember its name, but it's better than this one, too.
"The absence of these "hundreds of millions" doesn't even shut down a restaurant.
Think about what an interesting movie you could make about such an cataclysmic event! This is not that movie."
Scott, I don't know if you've read The Leftovers by Tom Perrotta, but it is an extremely interesting book about just such an event (albeit a non-rapture event). Much, much better than the Left Behind books (of which I read a couple) and probably much more realistic as well.
Posted by: RachelinDB | June 18, 2012 at 12:51 PM
I'll check it out, Rachael. Lord knows it couldn't be any worse!
Posted by: scottsherman@msn.com | June 19, 2012 at 05:53 PM